Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
