i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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