I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
