Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
