So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
