omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
