I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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