Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
