You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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