I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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