i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
