his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize