Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize