I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
