I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
