I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
