I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
