the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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