After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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