I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
