oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
