I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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