look no pants
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
