the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
