Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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