I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
