another moral hangover. fuck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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