I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize