i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
