i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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