apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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