it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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