Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
