you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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