so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
