Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
