she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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