he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
