i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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