I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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