I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
