every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
