how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
