At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
