i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize