Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
