And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
