Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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