I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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