took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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