You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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