Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
