I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
