i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
