I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
