His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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