Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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