The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
