Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
