What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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